How much of what we experience is dream, and how much is reality? Some claim, that there is nothing real about our encounters except the sex itself—everything else is a complete fiction. Some even claim that the sex itself is faked. Everyone is different, so I will only answer this based on my own personal experience.

The stage of anticipation—Before the very first time I meet someone, there are communications back and forth. I want to give a clear, honest sense of who I am to the potential date so he can sense if I am a good fit for him or not (and vice versa). Therefore, in the pre-meeting stage, I feel I personally do not indulge in any fantasy.

When the door opens and we finally see each other for the first time—I will be dressed in some way  that makes me feel confident and sexy. It’s true that unless I have a date, I do not walk around in sexy lingerie; however, almost any time I am awake, I am nicely dressed, with my hair styled, and with a touch of make-up. I am not one to lounge around in sweatpants and tee shirts. So is the attire of our date a fantasy? I think not. After all, I really am on a date and really am feeling sexy!

I will welcome you with a warm kiss and embrace, as perhaps a long-awaited lover.This is perhaps where fantasy comes into play! I choose to  skip that awkward stage in a “civilian” first date where one is perhaps assessing the other to see if they will eventually warm up to an intimate encounter. I still like to sit and chat and at least a bit start getting to know my new friend, for sure; but I find it most convenient to just treat the

situation as if we already do know each other and we already are friends/lovers. But what about the second, third and fourth times that we see each other? By then, we really are friends and lovers, and so I would say it is no longer a fantasy—it is true!

As we sit and talk, I easily share my real self with new friends. I do not feel I have to put on some other persona—I already like myself the way I am, so why pretend I am someone different? As we talk, I will be intentionally flirtatious, perhaps with my hands reaching out to touch you, and the proximity of how we sit or stand. It’s true that out in the “real” social world, I am never so flirtatious or intimate with someone I have just met.

So then, this, too, is a part that is fantasy….

It will be continued….